The following What We’re Reading is a parody of our normal reading. All of these stories are false and do not accurately represent current digital marketing news. Happy April Fools!

As digital marketers, we hate having to be constantly up-to-date on the latest happenings in the online world. Unfortunately, it’s kind of part of our job. Every week we all read a bunch of news stories. On Friday’s we all pick our favorite story from the week and then use a custom designed Street Fighter style game let them battle each other to the death. The strongest stories survive and only then do we decide to place them in our round-up. This fool-proof formula insures that you receive the best in digital marketing news every week. So if you didn’t have time to calibrate your article robots for the week no worries! We’ve already done the leg work and found just what you need to read for the week. Additionally, we’ve scoured the web for a podcast, song, or piece that just won’t leave our heads. Our What We’re Listening means that you can join in the fun and learn through listening!

What We’re Reading for April 1st

Source says that the Penguin update is coming in the year 2057

The long awaited Penguin update is set to arrive in the near future. Well the near future for your grandchildren that is. The mysterious update that Google keeps promising will finally be updated within the next 75 years making a huge impact to search rankings in the future. Many are saying that this decision was made by the originator of the penguin update, Pingu Tordtesmuller. (Contributed by Online PR Specialist Anna Horn)

Yext: Money Waster, Time Waster, or Both?

Looking for a service that requires payment for your business’s information to be accurate on the Internet? Try Yext. After all, no business owner wants the burden of controlling their own local information on the web anyway. Should you decide you want to stop the service, Yext erases all of the work you paid for, essentially deleting your business from the Internet. That way, you get the satisfaction of starting over and creating local listings on your own. (Contributed by Online PR Specialist Ellen Borza)

Google Reverses SERP Pages for Six Hours

On Tuesday, March 29, for about 6 and a half hours, Google’s organic search rankings seemed to be turned upside down, literally. Domains that have been suffering from Penguin algorithm updates since April 2012, saw a glimmer of their former glory as their rankings skyrocketed to page one for a few hours following a freak accident in Google’s Web Spam Control Room. Google representatives stated the “SERP snafu” involved a rice crispy treat, customized post-it notes, and an actual penguin, but were not willing to explain the situation in detail. (Contributed by Online PR Specialist Emily Long)

‘Mobilegeddon Update 35: The Mobile Rides Again’ to Come in 4 Years

Unlike the penguin update, it seems that Google is making their future mobile updates closer together and announcing them all at once. Update 35 will of course cause the biggest buzz with it’s unique name and the fact that the whole switch to mobile was indeed planned by power-hungry goldfish. We encourage readers to be on the lookout for suspicious activity and to begin the transition from mobile to analog before it’s too late. (Contributed by Online PR Specialist Anna Horn)

The Future is Clear with Google Cardboard Plastic

What’s realer than real? The creators of Google Cardboard who brought you accessible virtual reality have announced their latest and greatest project: Google Cardboard Plastic. With its chic and minimal design, these spectacles allow you to engage with the world around you like never before. With 360 degree audio, waterproofing, and the ability to work with any app, Google Cardboard Plastic is a worthwhile investment. (Contributed by Online PR Specialist Sarah Walsh)

What We’re Listening To

John Cage’s Epic Musical Piece 4’33”

This inspiring piece of music is something is our current earworm of choice. The dynamics of this piece are really stunning and the movements create a beautiful picture of time and life itself. Although this piece has been mocked by some we find it to be the most perfect 3 movements created in music. Even one of our own finds it to be the ideal listening music for maximum work. (Contributed by Online PR Specialist Anna Horn)

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